Since sharing last week’s post sadness and joy have been top of mind. By the way, if you haven’t read it yet, you should. It’s right below here. My words for you today will still make sense if you don’t, but I think they’ll mean more if you do.
How to be happy?
I'm not sure I actually believe that it is better for us to be happy. You've never met her, but I know high school me well. I’ve said before that if I met her now, we wouldn't be friends. I'm trying to forgive her, though. It might be a stretch to say that she was doing the best she could with what she had, but she was trying. There's a lot to figure ou…
I still believe what I said - I’m not sure that it is actually better for us to be happy. At least, not just happy. Not always happy. Not unreasonably happy. But, I don’t think it is any better for us to stay sad.
There is an unending list of things to be sad about. We live in a messy and broken world and we do life everyday with messy and broken people and we all mess up. There is death and grief and pain and sickness and unanswered questions and shattered relationships and unkept promises and, and, and…
Sadness is not the enemy, but it certainly isn’t the hero. I think it’s more like a helpful friend that shows up every now and then along the journey.
She says hey, this is hard. It’s not supposed to be this way.
She says you’re right, this sucks. There aren’t nice things to say about things like this.
She says feel it all. It matters and when you let yourself feel it, you remind yourself why it matters.
Sadness doesn’t save the day. I don’t think joy does either, though. I think just continuing on does. Keeping moving. Mustering up enough faith for the day in front of you. Doing it again tomorrow.
If sadness is a helpful friend that shows up along the journey, I think that joy is the trusty, though sometimes annoying, sidekick that walks the journey with us. And I think it takes watering. It’ll start to wilt a little bit if we keep it out of the light and don’t ever tend to it.
In John 10:10, Jesus tells us, “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy but I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
My understanding? The yuck is real. There is a very real and present battle against the enemy in which he would like to see us all broken and breaking more. It’s happening. There’s another thing happening, too, though and it’s called the opportunity to have life abundantly.
Hannah Brencher is a favorite author of mine; she’s a writer whose words I consistently anticipate. She also is the creator of a habit tracker that I have used on and off through the past few years. Since joy feels far and foreign to me lately, I’ve decided to make a habit of the practices of joy.
Here’s how:
Reading more.
I’m a words girl. A story girl. A nose-in-a-book-cozied-up-on-the-couch is a dream of a day girl. Stories bring me to life and so I’m reading more of them. Books I’m loving lately include
You Could Make This Place Beautiful: A Memoir by Maggie Smith
The Berry Pickers by Amanda Peters
The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett
Almost Everything: Notes On Hope by Anne Lamott
Spending time with my sisters.
I love my sisters and since moving to a city an hour away, I just see them less often than I’d like to. Lately between wedding preparations and opportunities for longer weekends, I’ve been able to spend more time with them.
My senior year of high school, my English teacher introduced me to all of the glory that is Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women. I quickly grew obsessed, reading and re-reading the novel, watching every recreation of the film, and going back and forth with my sister closest in age to me about which of the four Marsh girls each of me and my three sisters was most like. Naturally, I claimed Jo. She was the writer, the one who wouldn’t settle for society’s expectations for her life, and, in the end, the one who proved deeply attached to her sisters.
In our life, real life, I’m the oldest and the first to get married, much unlike Jo Marsh, but I think that the coming of my wedding is bringing up some attachment to my sisters. I know that sisterhood is not lost when one sister gets married, but even still I’m holding my sisters especially close now. Maybe finally realizing the beauty and blessing of those relationships. I’m eager to spend as much time with them as I can doing whatever things they want to do.
Fun drinks.
It’s the little things, right? For me, it’s fun drinks. To be completely transparent with you, my water intake has been less than ideal. I’ll work on that, too, but what I’m really loving is always having something fun it a cute little cup. In the mornings - raw milk lattes or herbal teas. With lunch - an ollipop or poppi (current favorites include watermelon lime ollipop, doc pop ollipop, and watermelon poppi.) In the afternoon, after work - maybe some kombucha or a decaf latte or another tea. In the evenings - warm raw milk. Always in a fun cup, a fancy wine glass, or a cozy mug. Habits for joy start in places like this, I think.
Dance parties.
C.S. Lewis wrote that joy is the serious business of Heaven. So when it comes to dancing, it’s not silly or childish or any of that. It’s serious and it is so so good for our bodies and souls. I grew up a dancer, so it should be no surprise to myself that this is a habit for joy that I’m eager to build. Somewhere along the lines of living, I stopped dancing in all the in-betweens. I happen to believe that these are actually the most important places to dance. It’s not so hard to dance at a wedding or a party, but to come home from a hard day of work and unpack my bags and turn on the music and just move while I tidy up or start dinner, that takes serious commitment to the process of joy.
These are the main things, the big things that I’m making into habits for joy these days. I have lots of little practices that I’m trying to incorporate, too, though. Not all at once, jumping in with both feet, but just splashing around with what works and doesn’t.
Here’s more of what I’m doing to practice joy, rapid fire style:
I’m trying to get sunshine in my eyeballs before screen light.
Eating more whole foods and attempting to pair them with the nutrient needs of my body throughout the phases of my cycle. Key word here is attempting. All with grace.
Spending more time outside than inside. So many inside tasks can be done outside; why do them away from the sunshine?
Really listening to what my body needs when it comes to movement. Intuition takes practice. I’m practicing.
Indulging in playfulness with my almost-husband. It’s not pointless. It matters for our relationship and it matters for joy.
Going to the farmer’s market. I’m pretty sure every cell in my body lights up when I do. It’s just my kinda place, my kinda people.
Napping more. My body is tired lately and more sleep is leaving me more awake in the times I’m not sleeping. The goal is to live fully awake, isn’t it?
Talking to strangers (sorry, mom). The man at the honey tent at the farmers market, the lady at the coffee shop, the gal next door with two cute dogs… I’m finding a lot of joy in going a few steps farther than How are you? and Have a nice day! I think it matters to take the time to get to know the people in the cracks of our days.
What habits for joy are you picking up this summer? What habits might you set down? Let’s learn from each other’s joy.